walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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