You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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