Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize