if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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