I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize