Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I lost the right to judge tonight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize