i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize