Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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