All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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