I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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