I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
tell me about the eggs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize