have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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