im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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