That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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