Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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