i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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