if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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