It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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