i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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