I wanna passion pit in your ass
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
even my farts smell like vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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