She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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