Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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