Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize