You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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