man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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