Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We got so high we made milksteak
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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