Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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