So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
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This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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