I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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