My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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