i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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