Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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