True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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