he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Come on in and take your pants off
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