Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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