dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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