I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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