At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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