if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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