I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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