Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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