We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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