Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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