..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize