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i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Randomize
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