just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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