I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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