Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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