4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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