This is not my ceiling
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize